Lately some friends have sought advice regarding discernment and depression. Can I possibly commit an entire lifetime to a particular vocation? What if I fail? What if I cause pain or must suffer? Looking around, so many people have failed to keep their vows, whether of chastity or marriage, so is there any more sense in taking vows?
Of course, these are pressing questions, which so many people have, even and especially young Catholics. But this lack of commitment comes not so much from fickleness as from seeing so many failed marriages and priestly and religious vocations, and the publication of scandals which, especially through such means as internet and mass media, spread so quickly, to such distances, and in such numbers as really to provoke stumbling on the part of the faithful as well as the faithless.
What we so often forget is God's Providence for us. Not only does He have a particular plan for each one of us, but also His plan for us accords very closely with how He made us. As we know, through God's grace, all things are possible, and without Him we can do nothing. As we also know, grace builds upon nature, so God does not work against our natures, either at the specific or the individual level. Therefore, in order to see something of God's plan for us as individuals, it helps to know ourselves.
So, my friends' advice was (at least to me) somewhat surprising, though I don't suppose it should be. That is, if I, for instance, want to know more clearly what God has in store for me, especially in terms of vocation discernment, but also in fulfilling my vocation today, it helps to write some sort of description of me, describing myself as I am, but also as I'd like to be. What am I missing? What do I see myself as needing? What do I want or desire, in terms of anything at all--living conditions, weather, virtues, friendship, love, prayer, even food--anything? And, what can I do today, now, to help me achieve any of these things that I see myself missing. For example, if I were to die today, what would my obituary look like? Would I be pleased with it? What would I like it to look like, or how could I improve it? Suppose a friend were to come to me seeking advice about depression or about obtaining some virtue or solving some problem as I see I have, how would I advise him? Writing a few minutes a day on such things is a practice that could help me understand myself and also what God, based on how I am, would have me do.
End this example for now. What is so surprising? Well, it seems to be belly-button gazing, which is something I think we do too much of generally. Yet, the aim of this "journalling" is not really so egoistic as it at first seems. The end really is charity, or a closer union with God because in this way, one does not stop at knowing one's own desires, but continues from that in prayer and counsel through reason and through the Holy Ghost, seeking how to "be perfect as [our] Heavenly Father is perfect." Why? The final goal of our life, of our actions is beatitude, which is found in union with God, in His Glory. But, we cannot know in this pilgrimage God well and clearly enough (without special grace) to know without revelation that He is this beatitude, and so we seek what it is that makes us happy. This is our journey, our pilgrimage. And it is in this that building on our nature, God shows us our vocation and calls us not only to a particular way of life, but also to particular giving, loving in each and every day of our lives.
What is it that I can do today as a gift to God, as a step to attain what I lack, what I need for my perfection? I can work on virtue, and on combating particular vices through the intercession of Our Lady, through fulfilling my known duty for today, but also doing something extra, out of my way to show someone God's love, or to examine all those blessings I see God has granted me today to increase my gratittude and strengthen my trust that He will, after all, provide what I need to follow my vocation even if it means vowing my life, and commitment.
St. Stanislaus, who offered thy life to fulfill thy vocation, pray for us!
1 comment:
About this umbilicospectation thing...
In the present world of immoderation, it might be easy to regress from knowing oneself (which is, among other things, food for humility) and adoring oneself (which is the opposite of humble, and perhaps idolatry). But I think that simply means one should be careful and prudent in working on the former that it not become the latter. And all that is, I think, just another way of saying something you have said here... excuse my thinking through the keyboard.
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